Update

So last nite Vince and I pigged out on snacks, first time for me eating cooked food in over 2 weeks. We had bree cheese on seasame crackers white green grapes, chips and a spicy-ass salsa and sum chinese food. My observations are as follows.
The first thing i immediatly noticed was that i was able to eat more without feeling full, in fact the food wasn't satisfying AT ALL, it just felt like cardboard, dead lifeless matter. The taste wasn't that great. Then I began to notice that my awareness was dropping at an alarming rate. I t felt as if everything was slowing down, becoming hazy. It honestly felt like i had just smoked a couple blunts. It confirmed that cooked food is nothing but a drug to dull awareness of one's inherent suffering. Oddly enough i also noticed that my skin was the clearest i've ever seen it almost immediatly after finishing eating.
Now it's the morning after. Skin is still pretty clear. I woke up with a stuffy nose, I have an incredible burning pain in my stomach, i can tell i'm not digesting all this very well. I'm going to do a SWF in about an hour, then i'm going to go back to the milk diet for awhile while i research some new ways to make this raw food diet work for me. I actually have a few new thoughts which are as follows...
I've always had the "back-and-forth" between the wisdom of the orient/ancients and the results of a raw food diet. I would read more on ayurveda and TCM(Traditional Chinese Medicine) and be convinced that herbs and teas are what i need and that i should cook my food, then i'd go back to raw foods and back and forth because i viewed these two as conflicting, however now i believe they are really the same and can be used in conjunction with one another.
I'm the skinny type who has a VERY hard time gaining weight, I get cold rather easily(thus favouring warm weather), my mind has the tendancy toward racing thoughts, worry, doubt, fear, anxiety; I rarely feel grounded, etc. In Ayurveda this would be what's called "Vata dominant" (Look up 3 doshas for info). Vata by nature is dry and cold, thus use of "warming" foods is called for. The reason they say to cook your food is because when you eat "warm" foods it in turn, warms your body and makes digestion easier. Also there are spices, teas and herbs that are used to warm the system and help with digestion such as ginger, pepper(black, white, hot), cayanne, tumeric, etc. They say Milk is great for Vata, but they say raw foods should be avoided.

Okay, so here's the fusion. I used to think that because spices weren't raw or fresh that they could only be used in conjunction with cooked food. HOWEVER, i've found a way around that and i've also found a way around raw vegetables and raw fruits (even though raw fruits don't give me trouble unless they aren't ripe). FERMENTATION. Fermenting foods is purposely aging them so that bacteria is allowed to grow and predigest the food. The ancient chinese and japanese cultures were quite aware of this process and used fermented foods to aid in digestion. SO, if i use foods like cabbage, carrots, and actually pretty much ANY vegetable foods and i ferment them and keep them at room temperature (roughly 70 degrees) then they will be easily digestable and also "warmed". On top of this marvalous discovery i can also use warming herbs still, but FRESH. For example i can cut fresh ginger root into small strips, same with hot peppers, and pretty much any other herb, root or plant, i just need to buy it fresh and ferment it. Thus i'm created predigested plant foods at a warm temperature with warming herbs to maximize digestability. This also gives me alot of perparation variety. I can pretty much use ANY vegetables; i can make sauerkraut, i can buy sheets of Nori(seaweed) and make vegan sushi, make eggless keesh, etc. So through this methodology I can incorporate TCM and Ayurveda into a raw food diet that works for me. I will initially continue with milk and perhaps yogurt but will try to ween myself off it to see if i can live soley off plant food.
Also i'm going to start experimenting with grasses, wheatgrass in particular. The essene gospel itself touts wheatgrass as the best grain for mankind. In modern day it's touted as a potent blood cleanser/alkanalizer/mineralizer. I'm really starting to get excited about growing my own stuff too. I'm imagining growing and taking 1lb of wheatgrass daily along with growing cabbages and other fun vegetable that i can ferment. As for the bacteria I'll either buy capsules of pre-grown bateria or use milk/yogurt just to speed the fermentation and maximize bacterial potency.
I still believe Aajonus Vonderplanitz's theory on bateria. He put forward the idea that bacteria are helpful to your system and that they're essential to detoxification. He says that they're our "clean up crew" that they feed on dead and diseases tissue, thus helping us get rid of the old diseased cells and make new healthy ones with proper nutrition. The only thing is that i don't believe that the massive amounts of fat are really that good for me without any fiber. If it's JUST milk and i don't drink more than i can digest then it's okay, but if i'm using cream and butter like he suggests then i just clog my system up. I also don't agree with raw meat, karmically i don't believe that if i'm searching for eternal LIFE that I should be eating karmic DEATH. Also eggs...just don't seem like a "natural" food. Milk, in nature, is meant to be food. Mothers give it to thier children as thier sole source of food, thus it is a complete food. Eggs are really just a byproduct of an animals reproductive system...i mean it's full of nutrition, but it just doesn't seem to have the "Nurish" energy in it. Plant foods, especially grasses/vegetation really seem to have a "nurishing energy", and fruits seem the ideal food. So i'd like to keep my choices within this range as i'm trying to eat food to nurish and heal my body, so i want to take in nurishing and healing foods. As for nuts and seeds...i may take them in the form of sprouts but never merely as they are. I think it's better to plant seeds and let the plant grow, then perhaps eats some of it's leaves or it's fruit (whatever it can regenerate), but I will still take sprouts if i feel it's necessary.

Huh...

Upon considering a vegan diet, cutting out milk and eggs, except perhaps a week or two of liver flushing, I've realized that i DO have cravings. I don't know what i'm craving but i've been craving something that dairy or eggs don't provide. Images of foods come to mind but when i think of how they taste and feel in my stomach i realize they are false. I don't know what my body is missing.
Another problem i've run into is prices. Living on dairy is extremely affordable, veganism may work thanks to frozen and canned foods, but raw veganism would be tough...unless sprouts were sufficient...hmmm. Yeah if I use plenty of sprouts and limit the greens and fruits then finnancially I should be fine, just gotta find a cheap bulk-supplier and clean water like i said in my last post.
I wonder if i should progress through cooked vegan to raw vegan first as to adapt my body. I wonder because last time i tried veggies they tasted aweful, but i remember back when i was first a raw vegan i started cooked vegan for awhile then progressed to raw, then went fruitarain but failed due to massive carb cravings(pasta, oatmeal, etc). Last time i ate green/fruit juices they didn't really digest, i just shat them out. I wonder if my body would have to re-adapt to be able to digest plant foods again...At the same time though this could just be an excuse for my mind to go back to the pleasure of cooked foods...I do feel rather separate from nature, when i consume raw plant foods, especially greens i almost feel like i'm bringing life back into my body. Though i would like to experiment with the "milk cure" too, part of the protocol is not to work.
On that note i've noticed that when at work my skin begins to act up. I wonder if it's stress induced. An old workmate from the bank began to show similar symptoms as me when he was going through a particularly stressful time in his life, ...idk. I have to get away from my job and find something that i can do that's less stressful and is something honest and sumthing i can agree with ethically.
Lastly I finally cried for the first time in roughly a year(though only for about 1min), which was very refreshing. I was looking at a picture of nature and envisioned myself out away from society with someone i loved (cliche i know). I felt uncomfortable, lost, lonely, and i just cried. While doing so i did feel a nice release, kinda like a tingling feeling in my chest that shot out through my upper body causing me to spasm slightly. Sa real shame i can't bring that to reality just yet, it really seemed like heaven, but i can't get there like i am now, the only way to get there is to better myself. Regardless the feeling was nice. my heart feels lighter, perhaps i'll sleep really well tonight.

Gotta change

Alright so i'm done with this. i've been getting some strange symptoms from all this dairy intake and the lack of fiber is apparent. the bananas work for fiber but when mixed with the cream i can't digest it, when there's no cream it tastes AWEFUL. The pain in the joints is apparent, I've been getting headaches lately, i feel..."heavy", and slightly sedated. I had an experience one night where i got up after a nap and i couldn't walk without getting short of breath and dizzy and my chest hurt. This is NOT sum "detox" my body is rejecting something or is getting addicted to something. After drinking about 5 glasses or warmed milk i felt better. It could have been a "withdrawl" from the opiods in dairy. I'm thinking of going back to trying sprouts. I just need a distilling mechanism for water. However I've noticed i have nearly no creaving for anything. there's a mental desire for spring rolls, but there's no physical desire. It could be that the opioids are giving me a 'fix" of "feel goods" or it could be that i just haven't had cooked food in a few weeks...idk.
Mentally my hunger for power has grown. My willpower has nearly double, my self hatred (directed at my percievable weaknesses/flaws) is acting up again, and my concern on what people think is nearly non-existant. I'm considering going out into the woods for awhile (i need a tent and sum other tools) and doing sum "training". Because of this I no longer care about diet as much as I used to. I know see that diet is merely support, auxillery to actually exercises. I no longer care about curing my skin or getting blue eyes or anything like that, all I care about is training my body/mind/spirit connection and transcending my limits. I no longer care about romantic love, money, food, games, or anything like that, all i want now is power. Once power is attained i can allow myself to enjoy other things, but in my current state i run the risk of addiction to and abuse of pleasure at the risk of my own health. Mortality must be overcome, physical and mental strength must be attained. i have to break my limits and transcend my humanity.
So again, diet-wise i'm thinking of maybe keeping sum yogurt for maybe once a week, but i'm going to buy bulk sprouting food such as beans, grains and seeds. I will begin by slowly reintroducing the chia which i will eat whole rather than ground up so it doesn't hurt my intestinal tract. I will most likely start with black beans and maybe kidney beans as they're easy to sprout. i may add barley or buckwheat, idk yet. more later...

Update

So I was using lots of egg yolks (12 a day) mixed in mix. I had trouble digesting it, but i persisted. Eventually i learned that the limes/lemons were important to the liver cleanse so i decided to do a Salt Water Flush to clear out and prepare for the liver flush. To my dismay I found that barely anything came out...not even the water. It seems to have been absorbed by something in my bowl. Upon doing it again later i expelled a tan-colored "goo", that i can't wuite explain. It could be the cholesterol that was expelled. The lime juice is known to create the stones of the liver flush so it could be that THAT is how the cholesterol is made solid and expellable. Anyway, I visited a dairy farm picking up 4 quarts of raw heavy cream, 3 quarts of raw yogurt, 2lbs of raw unsalted butter, 5lbs of raw unsalted cheese and 2 gallons of raw milk.
Now i'm eating 4-5 bananas a day mixed with cream. This will provide me the gentle fruit fiber to keep my bowls solid and moving and the cream will provide a healthy raw fat to make sure the fruit sugar doesn't give me any ill effects. I'm also using yogurt in the morning to boost digestion as a probiotic. I'm not quite sure how i can make use of the honey, cheese and butter just yet. The unsalted cheese is actually really bad tasting in my opinion.
I've noticed that my skin has imroved greatly since starting my latest regime with the bananas and cream. I still want to use the egg yolks, but i won't mix it with milk. It seems that whole raw milk must be taken on an empty stomach and by itself for proper digestion. The cream and butter however I can mix with other foods without ill effect. I'm going to try taking straight egg yolks before bed and see how i do.

Change of plan

Alright so i've been keeping the diet pretty well (about 5 days straight), but i'm experiencing craving for something again. I'm not sure what exactly it is. I've been craving spring rolls, or chinese food in general which leads me to believe that i need more fat (due to chinese food being mostly fried in oil). If I keep drinking milk i'm fine, but i've been needing more and more lately(i get especially satisfied by the cream on the top of the milk), so i think thats my body telling me MORE RAW FATS PLEASE! ,lol. It could also be that the milk has too much calcium or lactose. I got some strange pain in my knees walking home today (too much calcium?) and the too much milk sugar is just a theory. The whole point of this diet was to make it mostly fat (chia seed and milk) but it seems i may need a higher percentage. I usually buy raw milk by a 2 quart bottle and i usually buy 4 of them at a time at 4.50 a bottle and usually get a carton of eggs with it. So my ratio has been 1 carton of eggs per 4 bottles of milk (2 quarts of milk, 3 eggs a day) so know i'm thinking of switching the ratio up and eating more eggs and less milk, basically only using milk as a hydrator. So i'm thinking of eating 4 cartons and 1 bottle (12 eggs, 2cup of milk a day) or maybe 3 cartons, 2 bottles (9 eggs, 4 cups of milk a day), the latter sounds more reasonable i suppose. As much as i was originally opposed to egg yolks i've noticed my skin get MUCH smoother. I've also been breathing differently, breathing into my lower abdomin, expanding my lower lungs more. Hopefully this switch around will soothe the cravings. I don't like drinking more milk than i have put aside as this cuts into finnances, but i'd rather do that than resort to junk like chinese or microwave dinners. the only way to get results out of any path is to stick with it, not bitch out everytime a bump appears. Also i'm giving up chia. I tried it again due to cravings, thinking it would satisfy the itch but all it did was put a lump in my belly, lol. it's simply not digestable. I may resort to it for pure fiber but the digestive stress doesn't seem worth it. I have psyllium powder that i'll use instead if i get too messed up, but once my body adjusts to low fiber it eventually has no problem.
to sum it up

Latest deveopment
-Increase Egg yolk intake, decrease milk intake.
-Cutting out chia, replacing with psyllium powder if fiber needed.
-skin smoother with egg yolk inclusion

egg yolks only have about 9-10g of fat, since i was only adding 3 eggs a day thats only another 30g on top of the 70+g from the milk. This leads me to believe that i should not only increase my fat intake but lower my sugar (lactose) intake. I don't think i have an allergy to it, but who knows, i may end up cutting it out all together. If i choose 12 eggs a days thats about 120g of fat and minimal sugar from milk. I may go to water and cut sugar entirely living soley off eggs.

IMPORTANT UPDATE

It is the morning of the 14th day (2nd or 3rd consecutive with the diet) I am now officially cutting out the chia. I awoke this morning and pulled my 2 liter raw milk out of the fridge to warm up a bit. While waiting I had a bowl movement. It was rather large and felt like many rocks. After excretion there was traces of blood on the BM. This has proven something I once read. Grains and seeds...thier fiber is actually harmful and damaging to the intestine. Fruit and vegetable fibers (including beans) are fine but uncooked grains and seeds (maybe nuts too, not sure) are certainly harmful and the raw ground up chia has caused me to bleed internally, thankfully I don't think it did any REAL damage as if it did i'd prolly be in pain. I am discontining the chia and will likely avoid uncooked grain and seed (and nuts perhaps) by themselves. Surely if the helpful fruit/fiber were mixed or if there were cookd/processed grains it would have helped. The real issue seems to be taking the uncooked, ground up seeds by themself. So my diet will go back to Raw milk and I will begin to use eggs with honey at night. This probably won't start however until Saturday night as I need to purchase the eggs and would like to wait until i run out of milk and just buy in bulk. I'm also looking for trustworthy and affordable sources of organic RIPE and local fruit. Alot of fruit in supermarkets and wholefoods are packed unripe and shipped then left to ripen in the store to extend shelflife. Fruit contains the most nutrition when it is sun ripened and still connected to it's mother tree/vine/plant. If i can find affordable sources it will provide me with the fiber i'll need and i may even get to experiement with fruitarianism again :)

Dietary experiement day 13(?)

SO i've been on and off the "wagon" here so it's not 13 consecutive days. I've added a daily 4-8 tbls of chia seed into my diet and have recently held off on the eggs, but plan to reintroduce them. When falling back to old dietary habbits i would always use a salt water flush to signify going back to this diet. Oddly enough i noticed the brown in my eyes disappearing the most after these flushes. Because of this I'm beggining to believe that the sumething not only wrong with my digestion but also my colon health, thus the reason for the chia. With the high fiber content bowl movements are more frequent, hopefully aiding the colon health more long term. On this diet I notice more stregnth but more importantly i'm MUCH more calm and less prone to worry or anxiety. I'm also doing personal research on the liver and how it detoxifies to find a way to help it detoxify faster and more efficiently, which i believe the eggs are related with. As an update my digestion is indeed getting stronger. I'm now digesting food faster and feeling more satisfied (hopefully due to better nutrient absorbtion. The chia seed is ground up and mixed with water to form a "porridge" to which i add about a tbls of raw honey to (to aid digestion). SO no real difference besides and increase in stregth and endurance and more mental calmness.

Experiment, Day 1

Back with a new idea and a new philosophy. I'll skip right to my endeavor for right now though.
So i'm going to be experiementing with a new diet based on new theories of health. I'm still a raw foodist as no matter what i believe that cooking de-natures all food and causes digestive troubles due to the destruction of natural digestive enzymes present in raw food. Previously I had been aspiring to be Raw Vegan, fruitarian style which is basically most of your calories come from fruits and the other 20% or so come from nuts, seeds, oils or greens. I had tried this previously for awhile and found incredible energy from it. I went from hardly active to jogging 5 miles a day in a day and had the energy to keep it up with only about 2-4 pieces of fruit a day, along with sum oil in the morning. along with fruitarianism I also began staring at the sun at random intervals during the day. At that time i had sucessfully felt the difference between "full" and "satisfied". When on cooked food you have to eat so much MORE food to get the nutrition your body requires that you associate the "full" feeling with being satisfied. However on raw food your body needs less so you must be able to know when your nutritional needs are met, not when there's so much mass in your stomach that your digestive system drains all of your energy leaving you tired and weak.
Anyway, as much energy as that gave me my skin wasn't clearing up, my eyes weren't becoming brighter, my mind wasn't becoming clearer, i wasn't losing the fat pockets on my chest and lower abdomin, i was losing strength (but not endurance), and my bones were becoming brittle. This was and still isn't the body i want to have. After visiting "Beyondveg.com" and researching other raw food sites i found i wasn't the only one having some diffuculty. After the inevitable failure that followed i began a cooked vegetarian diet consisting of alot of soy, chinese food, junk food, etc. I only noticed my problems getting worse (or rather just not getting better). My mental fog devolped rather high, my body was still weak and unable to gain weight, my nervous system was agitated.
Upon further study into diet I was forced to accept certain truths and drop certain idealogies. I discovered the healing effects (or claimed healing effects) of raw animal foods like milk, eggs, fish and meat and how certain plant foods had some MAJOR flaws. I won't get into those here, but i have developed a new diet system based soley on science and the experiences of a multitude of others like me. This diet was actually based more around money and i consider it superior in theory to any other regime (to be a raw vegan is VERY costly because of all the plant foods you have to ingest to get enough calories). Basically it consists of Raw Milk, Raw Eggs, and i'm toying with the idea of raw chia seed milk (explained later).
Through the study and personal experience of Ayurveda and TCM (Traditional Chinese Medicine) I have lerned more about my body. I have a problem gaining weight, i have a hard time with circulation and dealing with the cold, i have poor digestion, I worry alot, i think too much, my nervous system is overactive, etc. This is classic "Vata" type in ayurveda. With vata i observed the best way to balance that type was to include lots of fats like butter, whole milk, meats, etc. Likewise alot of people who failed at the raw vegan diet were in similar boats and found adding raw animal fats were the key. Aajonus Vonderplanitz was another heavy influence on me as he dispelled the "meat-a-phobia" that plagues the ritualistic recitations of vegetarians. Though i do agree that raw meat can be very healing and has peculiar abilities I still choose to leave it out of my diet because the texture and taste grosses me out and it's WAYYYY too expensive. So I studied what foods were the most "complete". Raw milk is def. #1 as people have been known to live off JUST that for very long durations. Chia is another that seems to have a very complete nutritional profile. The raw eggs are more for thier known effect to aid in the detoxification of the liver (responsible for blood detox and digestion), aid to the skin, and boost in Testosterone.
I will be consuming 2 quarts of raw milk and 3 eggs yolks daily for the first week or two. After that i will be experimenting with chia(1/4 cup daily). I have ordered a water ionizer and plan to make a distiller to use for drinking but more for making a chia smoothie. The problem with chia(and most plant foods actually) is that it's harder to absorb due to antinutrients and phytates with inhibit absorbtion. Sprouting can deactivate these but sprouting chia is rather diffucult and time consuming. BUT when you add water to chia it creates a type of gel that contains it's nutrients. So what i plan to do is get a mortar and pestle (tool for grinding) and make a chia "powder", then mix it with water/milk in a blender. After that i will filter it through a cheese cloth to get rid of any indigestable "chunks". By doing this i can process it in a way that will make everything easier to digest and assimilate. Also everything in my diet will be in liquid form, making everything that much more digestable, which is a goal of this diet.
I will be keeping tabs of anything i feel i should record, this will be based on events so i will not record daily. As of right now i have eaten some blueberries last night(all i had) and worked very hard shoveling and dishwashing. When i woke up this morning i had no energy and was very VERY sore. I noticed my stomach was quite acidic which gave me nasty waves of nausia, probably from the blueberries. In order to get to the bus to get downtown i had to buy some more blueberries for energy, even though they gave me more acid. When i got downtown i purchased 4 2quart bottles of raw milk and a small cup of raw goats milk, and my organic, free range, patuer-fed eggs. I had some leftover blueberries and consumed them with the raw goat milk with no negetive feelings. Later tonight i have drank about one quart of the raw cows milk and already feel strong as an ox :) The taste is incredible, they have raw cream on the top, which is SOOO tasty, but more importantly there's no indigestion, or weak feelings or food cravings when i drink the milk. Usually when i eat chinese food or actually anything cooked, i keep craving food well after i'm full. With the milk, i don't crave junk or sugar or fried foods or anything, i could eaily just live off this stuff.
So thats all for now, my soreness doesn't even bother me, and my energy and mood are as good as ever. more to come.

The Positivity Scale: Effects of Faking

Alright, well i just got a job at Greenpeace doing canvassing and i'm already done, lol. I'm starting to notice this pattern that i'll explain in a minuite. Basically with canvassing it requires one to be in a positive happy mood for roughly 5-6 hours trying to get people on the street to give your thier credit card or bank account info to give monthly donations... so obviously you can imagine how few people you get. In order to keep your job you have to get 3 people within the first 3 days then have 3 people a DAY sign up as members. Now thats actually not so hard if you know wat you're doing and i did, lol. The reason i took this job is because i'm good at sales. I understand psychology and can fake emotions and reactions....problem is i HATE it because when i do it i hate myself. At first i figured it was because i was doing it for a meaninless cause (making a rich company richer), so i figured if i did it for a good cause, like trying to get people to help save the environment then it'd be fine. Unfortunatly thats not the case. First of all i HATE being dishonest, i like and respect who i am and i find it insulting to "fake" myself but more importantly is the "positivity scale". Take a scale like -100-------------0--------------100 where 100 is SUPER positive and happy and what not while -100 is like SUPER depressed angry and negetive. So normally for me, instead of riding the "emotional rollarcoaster" to catch the highs of the scale i usually just stay consistant near zero (usually at around maybe 10) and try to slowly and incrementally work my way up the scale so i can reach the higher states and fall back on ZERO instead of going into the negetives. So here's the problem. When you FORCE yourself into the higher states, when you put on artificial positivity and push the scale, in order to balance it out it throws you equally as far in the opposite direction. I noticed on my first day i forced happiness and positive emotions when i wasn't really feeling them and the more i forced it the more negetivity built up and when the day was over I felt like a fallen angel, full of hate and disgrace (mostly for myself, but it extended to everything around me). So i've decided to stay FAR away from anything that requires me to fake my personality or feelings so as to avoid these emotional highs and lows. Honesty is SOOO important for spiritual progression and reaching higher planes, it's really not just to be obediant lying fuck with your head. you keep lying to everyone you begin to believe yourself, then you're lying to yourself... and THAT is bad, because if you're constantly lying to yourself how can you tell wats really you and wat isn't...then you become a slave to influence and give up all your personal power for the illusion of control. Sad...

Feels like i've "been" before

I've been getting the strange feeling lately that i've existed before. Now i mean, like, i believe in reincarnation, so i'm sure my consciousness has existed before, but i feel like my personality, the essense of what defines me, has existed before. I keep getting this feeling that i once had all this power and such and ...i feels like i've lost it and i keep trying to get it back. It's definatly wierd. Also i finally begun meditating again. I don't know why i was so hesitant, it feels GREAT! :) I mean i sucks because as soon as i feel i'm in a trance my legs are cold and limp from cut off circulation, so i'ma hafta find a position i can comfortably meditate in. I always feel very peaceful after doing it, though for some reason i am at times hesitant to do it.
You know thats another funny thing i noticed. I notice that at times i'm attracted to that which i know will kill me faster...i have no idea why. For some reason self-destruction is more comfortable than self fortification...it's like my battle is to stop doing things that are harmful to me. I mean it sounds stupid, like "if you know wats good for you then just do it", but i keep having these urges to do self-destructive things (not so much anymore, this is more of a past tense of self and present tense of society). thankfully after fasting and with my new mindset, i've been getting a "taste" for healthy living, lol. Perhaps unconsciously we want our life to end so we are attracted to the things that kill us slowly? I dont know, i just thought that an interesting observation. Maybe it's all of the positive feelings that are unconsciously associated with it through the media, like smoking being associated with sexual, manly, acceptance, and coolness. What a sick fucking world.

Day 7-10 and afterwards

BAHahaha, i TOTALLY forgot about this thing. Yeah anyway, fast is over, i'm on mostly tea and soup righ now. Energy is beyonf belief :). I really didn't change much in the last few days of the fast. No revelations, no breakthroughs...DID finally play left 4 dead...didn't really care too much 4 it. But uhhh. Yeah came off the fast with blueberry pomegrante juice (pasteurized) and got a sore throat from it, so i've been doing tea and some hommade veggie soup along with some solids. I'm really trying to rush my digestion back to normal because I've already been wasting enough time. Luckily today is a nice day of rest.
I've been taking more and more interest in TCM, Martial Arts and Yoga lately and can feel my intuition puling me in that direction, so i'm going to start working toward it. Right now though i kinda need a consistant job with consistant pay so i can get on a ruitine. I used to think ruitines are traps and destroy the beaity of life, but i'm realizing now, they are the only way to make progress and without them no progress is made. So i'm looking to get some easy day job that pays well and perferably isn't sedetary and then start getting some yoga and taichi lessons while finding a TCM guy/gal who is REALLY good at massage :).
I swear man, the more i live the stronger this feeling of "Life is a virtual reality game we're all trapped in" becomes. I really feel like my body is just some avatar that i control and use to experience this world.
I've also taken a HUGE interest in herbs... no NOT hallucinatory herbs, lol. I think with the use of certain herbs in certain combinations i think i could really maximize my body's potential. Especially with a particular theory i have. Now, back during the like 3 weeks i actually did weed there were times we made brownies. How that worked was we'd get some oil (like canola) and we'd heat it up, put in the weed and let it simmer for like 20 mins, then use that oil in the brownie mix. the REASON we did that was because the active ingrediant in weed (what gets you high), THC, is absorbed into the oil so thus you can get alot of it in concentrated form. Then since the brownies have little fat or fiber, thus absorb quickly, so does the THC. Now I have to wonder if that could be true for OTHER herbs. For example herbs that detoxify or prtect the liver or kidney or enhance breathing or digestion... i wonder if they could be super concentrated as well making kinda like an 'immediate effect" formula instead. Usually herbs are supposed to build up in your system over time and THATS thier power whereas drugs work almost immediatly, but i wonder if you could do it diff. just a thought. But anyway yeah. To anyone who does a fast on water and wishes to break it i would HIGHLY recommend tea and soup broth over juice unless the juice is raw and freshly squeezed. Also it's prolly better to use cirtrus fruits like lemon water and orange juice as they work as appetite suppressors which may counteract the enourmous urge to eat afterward that most people get.
Oddly enough i didn't have a physical urge tp eat the solid food i have eaten so far, i'm mentally trying to force it so my digestion gets back up to par and so i can start building my body up again.

day 6

HAHAHA i'm begining to notice how AWEFUL my timing was in starting this. to anyone reading this who is considering more than 3 days on water PLAN AHEAD! I have really been overexerting, running, extended periods of standing through a boring lecture, LOL. No but seriously stuff like this should be prepared for ahead of time, not just to prep your mind but to prep your environment and responsibilities. This should be a time of rest man, but i'm hoppin around like i'm just the same as usual. And i'll say i have noticed that that mindset, not taking anything seriously has really helped me stay onthis thing. I'm really starting to get some food cravings for like salads with nuts and vinegrets, also i really wanna try making a hoagie with soy meats, soy cheese and "veganaiise". I think i'd taste REALLY good. I'm not so much more worried about my physical state anymore, like whatever fat that maybe bothered me a bit or my skin condition. Honestly i don't look to fasting for that, i think i'd rather use something like ayurveda or TCM (Traditional Chinese Medicine) for that and other health aspects and just let fasting be for spiritual reasons and such. Don't get me wrong i'm still going to continue to day 10, but shit 30?! with the fast pace my life is starting to take idk if thats the best idea...not saying it's not possible but perhaps not so nessecary. I'm DEFINATLY feeling the peace and love and natural "child-like" state. I still admire life but still view everything as an illusion, i just can't shake that feeling, even when i'm eating. Physically not much change, lost about 3-5 lbs, stomach is flat as a board, ribs are showin...noting out of the ordinary. I'm actually getting signs of physical hunger and the coating on my tougne is going away. I'm also drinking more water. As i feel thirstier. So i don't know... mentally i'm still in the same place with more peace and happiness. OH AAAAAAND i found out which path I personally want to take spiritually. It's not 100% yet in sense of "this first, that next" but i def found out the diff things i wanted to learn and use to develop myself. Alot of it was previous interest of my, but was blinded and forgotten by my newfound interest in other techniques. By learning that i still love being around people and helping and teaching, i've realized that i probably won't end up retreating to some isolated mountain or whatev for the rest of my life, i've decided that i'll go out and learn and serve and love (the threefold path) Reach enlightenment or oneness with "God", then come back and find the best way to serve others. my idea is to have a degree in either TCM or ayurveda (or both) and use that to get to know people who are obviously dissatisfied with the way they are and help heal and teach them. Also i was thinking about getting a degree in philosophy and psychology and maybe becoming a professor...or something along those lines. I was at temple with vince today and i was sitting in on like a "eastern religions' course and it was so stupid. The teacher was a complete ditz who obviously didn't care at all about what she taught and i could tell the kids didn't take it very seriously at all either. It was so mechanical, it was dead. It was all facts and no feeling. It was all about memorizing hard-to-pronounce names and remembering historical dates rather than understanding what they meant or what the goal of people were or what thier philosophy was. Typical, and i didn't expect much out of it, but it was fun none the less to introduce the concept of some of the ACTUAL PRACTISES such as meditation, yoga, fasting, karma, reincarnation, etc just in case anyone was actually interested in what they were studying.
Anyway this ends day 6. 3 more and i'll have reached my minimal goal. I actually already feel in control of myself, so technically i've already reached it, but at the same time i gotta finish what i started. SO...the fun continues

Day 5

Phew man today was tiring. I'm noticing the effect of tapping into my normal strength, and it's REALLY exhausting. Had a dream that played this polyphonc symphony with like 3-5 parts and i remember hearing them all at once...it was beautiful, unfotunatly i forgot it when i woke up. Just more motivation to learn lucid dreaming :). Also i had a strange experience where my pits smelled lik peaches, it was AWESOME ,lol. but it only lasted for a few hours. Still haven't taken an enema but the bowl pains have stopped.
I walked tonight with vinny and sam. They smoked weed while i just lay in the field and listened to them open up. I began to realize how deep sam goes and how much we think alike, it was really neat to hear him open up...he's usually not one to talk. Shame cause his ideas and thoughts are REALLY...powerful? idk, he speaks with wisdom. But yeah we did alot of walking and my body almost shut down on me a few times. MAD nausia and weakness. But now i'm fine, i'm chilling wit vince playing Metal Gear Solid 3. he's also teaching me some massage basics which i REALLY wanna learn.
Lastly i'm begining to lose that incredible drive i once had, now i'm just kinda flowing with it. I'm not sure i'll be able to go on a raw food diet after the fast but i'll DEF go vegetarian/vegan because it just tastes SOOOO good. Plus it still have a long time to complete major life changing goals. I'm begining to connect more with the idea of staying connected with people and helping them find happiness and peace over just shunning them all and finding my own ascention. Don't get me wrong, my goal is still to break the cycle of reincarnation and reach enlightenment as early as possible to i have plenty of time to help others, but at the same time...i don't think cooking my food will prevent me from doing that, though it may hurt my body, one of my goals is to use spiritual "magic" to keep my body nurished and healthy and not be entirely dependent on the physical. Thats where i'm at now, who know's how my mind will change as i progess. Also 40 days seems like quite a journey... maybe something more like 23 or 25 would be better. The reason i say this is that i'm begining to feel hungry again, lol. With this added burden i can no longer garuntee that i'll make it 30-40 days. Perhaps if i summon back the mindset i began this with i'll last longer, but i'll have to pley it by ear. Again i WILL make it 10 days at LEAST. How far after that i'll only be able to gauge after day 10. but tomorrow is day six, i'm more than half way there and i still feel exelent. I'm seeing closer to 15 right now. Hopefully in time that will extend, but again only time will tell.
So here ends day five. Very tiring, but i'm sure tomorrow will be better. Still have plenty of stregnth left :)

day 4 (late)

He-eeeey yeah this is technically day 5 because last nitgh gramps got on the computer for like 5 hours which he spent most of his time just sitting in the computer chair talking on the phone and NOT interacting with the computer, lol. So i ended up falling asleep. ANYWAY,
Day four was pretty much like day 3. Played some yugioh again, that was fun but staring at the screen started to give me a headache :p. Then i went up to my mom's so i could read her the essene gospel of peace. I'm almost positive that she won't do anything after reading it because she's lost her power, but a guy can hope. While i was up there i went shopping with my stepdad and in the car he started to smoke. With my sharpened sense of smell i began to notice how rancid that shit really is, and how numb to it i really was in the past. The body's ability to adapt whether to poison or any other potentially harmful envirmonment is incredible.
Other than that i've been able to tap into my normal stregth still, but i costs me. I was still able to run, but found myself out of breath and i was still able to carry heavy objects but my muscles ached afterwards. It sucks because if i tell people i'm fasting they'll just bombard me with negetive energy like worry, doubt and fear, but if i don't tell them i have no excuse to nix out on everday activities. I understand now why they say to go away from society when you fast and "eschew the sons of man". Ignorant people are a pain in the ass to deal with.
Also a big question for me know is how do eat when i break this thing. I know i'm going to juice fast for half of the amount of time i water fast, so if i go for 40 days on water thats 20 days on juice before i introduce solids. The question is how do i eat afterward, Normally i was going to go raw vegetarian. However there's two conflicting opinions that bother me, There is the opinion of Christ who says not to cook or freeze your food, which i can understand because it does damage the nutrition and "lifeforce" (Ayurveda and TCM), however then there's the opinion of Yogis and a particular self proclaimed "enlightened master" who says once you reach enlightenment just eat vegetarian and the spirit will take care of the body. The other point i see in her arguement is that eating raw food is seen in most places as "radical" and puts you in a sort of "social isolation" from others. Eating, as you know, has become a social event amoungst human beings, instead of a way to survive. Simply vegetarian isn't so extreme and the meals can be made quite tastey allowing one to still be social with others and influence them and love them being a more noble path. While RAW vegetarianism may be the diet proclaimed by Christ, but you have to look at who he was talking to. He was talking to the essenes. the essenes were a "secret society" who's teaching went against alot of modern religions, so they were not social and they were usually in hiding. Perhaps for them, since they couldn't interact with society, it was better to be radicalists. However for most of us HERE, IN SOCIETY, it would be best NOT to be a radicalist and simply reduce the bad karma (don't eat meat and eat less food) and still be social with society so that we might better serve them ad help them find happiness.
A subject that will require some more thought. I'm definatly a social outcast by origin, but at the same time...i really do like helping people find answers and happiness. I just don't wanna be a "bitch" and pick the easy way out. Cooked vegetarian food tastes SOOOOO good. Anyone reading this should go out and buy a jar of "veganaiise", 12 grain bread, a tomato, some iceburg lettuce, and some peppered "tofurky" and make a sandwich outta that. You tell me thats not good and i swear to god.....i'll kill ya O.o LOL.
Last thing to mention is that as i started this fast i was very serious and depressed. Lately i've realized a more childlike state. Very fun :)
Anyway i'll post later tonight about how today goes...

day 3

O my God, what a difference! Today i woke up feeling the same as i went to sleep, weak, dizzy and nausious. However i began to shift my mindset. Instead of thinking of fasting as something to endure i began to see it as a fun adventure. i began to laugh about how much fun this was and began to feel very child-like about it. There's something to be said about that child-like state, not in the sense of immaturity but rather in light-heartedness. Hard to explain. Also i began to listen to some "Return to Forever" and "An Endless Sporatic" (jazz fusion groups) and the music REALLy got me moving :) Today i've had SO much energy it doesn't even feel as though i'm fasting. I actually ran up a hill today(got short of breath afterward) to go to Superfresh and carried home 8 glass bottles (750mL each) which was heavy but tolerable. Honestly this is the best i've felt in a long time. I still have some slight pressure pains in my bowls. I can tell i'll have to get that enema kit soon, somethin's a brewin, lol. I also had strange pains in my legs early in the day and i also smelled alcohol on my breath. I wonder if there's fruit fermenting in my bowls and the fermentation of the sugar is causing this?
Other than that i've been reading a book on theosophy. Interesting but i'm really more into the Essenes right now. I also wrote a small poem while i was outside just for the fun of it. I'll type it at the bottom. Lastly i had another strange dream last nite. My recollection of them seems to have increased. I was a sniper in a building looking at soldiers through a glass window. Previously i had a high powered semi-auto rifle with piercing rounds and amazing accuracy. When i entered the place where i'd snipe i was given a silenced sniper rifle. There were about 15-20 guards in this small room and they were all patroling in different fasions. I knew that if i shot, it would still make a sound as the glass would break, so i had to shoot someone that the other guards wouldn't notice. Unfortunatly i never got the shot. I saw Lucious Malfoy (from harry potter) walk in as a soldier, a commander. He got the soldiers into two rows and marched them out. Then i was no longer in the body of the sniper but rather without a body, just watching events unfold. Lucious was talking to some femal soldier...didn't know what they were saying. then the dream ended.
Oh and i walked around with vince today in superfresh. Saw all these great foods that i normally love, and i was able to say "yeah that stuff id good" without any desire to have it. I literally have NO cravings or desire for food at all. I really love how i feel.
Anyway this closes day 3. Tommorow i plan to hang out at Richards. He's a great guy i met through my mom who is real heavy on eastern philosophy. I'm usually very into it too, but lately i've really been more interested in Christ's lost teachings. it seems that these are actually CONSISTANT, lol. But yea today has been a blast, little weakness, no nausia...i feel great.

The sky a marvelous painting
A true work of art
The leaves upon a tree
The texture of it's bark
The comfortable grooves of the earth
lovingly caress my feet
The powerful warming presence
Of the the sun that i do meet
Low gravity world of water
Gymnatstics made a breeze
But the reality behind illusion
Is that i wish to sieze

A fleeting world of passing fun
A human body who's time has come
The sun will set the trees will die
The cruel detachment makes us cry
But through the tears and passing years
One begins to wonder
Where will i be when time comes for me
And my body a tomb to plunder

The body and mind, tools for existance
Manifesting in physical form
But the essence of our nature
Desicion making perciever
Suffers the deciever
And our true nomenclature
Forgotten

Day 2

Well now i'm FINALLY starting to feel it. Dizziness, fatigue, slight nausia and some burning in my lower throat (acid?). Today was alittle diff than i had originally planned, lol. I ended up sleeping outside last night because my grandad had someone use bleach and ammonia ont the bathroom floor which seeped into my room. It was like 40 degrees (F) and i didn't end up falling asleep until like 2 am under a tree. I woke up around 7am with alot more energy than normal (idk why) so decided to walk to CVS to look for enema kits. No luck so i just bought some apricots for gramps. I always feel funny entering a store then leaving without buying sumthing. I'm getting better at ignoring this irrational feeling though. I also noticed that when i warmed up i actually LOST energy. I wonder if the cold fuels me... idk but it's very uncomfortable and may actually be counter-productive. Fasting should be a time of rest and reflection...not a workout session.
So today i actually have just be lounging around and playing video games on the computer...pathetic, but the time is flying by. I may actually have to find a balance between them to keep my sanity unless i can find enough spiritual subjects to keep my mind moving. I may rely on naps instead of video games, that will give my mind rest, though perhaps the next few days i'll use them. I actually started dreaming about food too. I had a dream that i was in superfresh (though it looked nothing like it in layout) and i was buying Veganaise, peppered tofurky, 12 grain bread, lettuce, tomatoe and contemplating cheese. This was the sandwich which was offered to me when i recieved the "Convenient Method" by Thao Le. There were other people there making sandwichs ans they offered me one made of the above ingrediants...out of this world delicious. It's a shame i'm dreaming about food so soon, but at least it's healthy vegetarian food. I hope i don't start dreaming about hot dogs, sausages and steaks...THEN i'm in trouble, lol. No i'll be able to handle it. The body is a VERY adaptive creature. I'm sure in a few more days i'll be completely adjusted.
Last thing is i noticed my eyes are changing color. They're normal a deep brown with light rings around the edges. Well now there's less brown and more light coloredness. I read up on changing eye color and iridologists say it's due to the cleansing of tissue toxins. If this is true than i'm very glad. I was originally scared that i wouldn't be able to handle the toxic load and that the toxins would get stored in my muscle, joint or organ tissue, but perhaps i AM able enough. this makes me feel alot better. Also my water needs seem to have diminished. I've only drunk about 500mL today and my urine was clear. Well if nothing else this is a GREAT save on the budget LOLZ. I really need to find an enema kit and buy more waters though, while i still have my strenth. I don't know wats in store for me in the upcoming days so i'd like to be prepared if i have to be a slug for awhile, lol.
Day 2 at a close, a little tougher but still no match for my determinationa nd will power. Anger and frustration combined with the desire to be better(ambition) is a force to be reckoned with ;)

Day One

Pah, wat's there to say? No hunger, no pains or discomfort, more energy clearer mind, sharper senses. I think since i've already adapted to a low claorie diet, fasting isn't so much of a shock, however i AM now begining to feel a slight weakness. I still have energy just not readily available. The more i do the more energy will be released, so how much energy i have will be directly related with my will to do it. Did a salt water flush this morning with only 500mL and got some nasty gook out, unfortunatly it feels as though i didn't get everything out, so i'm doing a 1.5L one tonight, that should clear me out, then i'll have to find some method of enema.
It's funny i'm begining to see the world a bit differently than i usually do. I've had this strange feeling all day that life is just this HUGE video game. It feels as if this world is a virtual copy of another world just like most video game worlds are a copy of our world. But it's wierd i just don't feel like I'm my body like i usually do, i feel like ...idk i can't really word it, but it just doesn't feel like any of this is real. I mean...it seems like a dream world. I don't know...in our dreams we feel like we're in the situation we're dreaming of, yet our body is resting still...i wonder if in this world we feel as if we're in the situation we percieve to be real but our true selves are actually elsewhere. This isn't the first time i've thought like this, it's just staying with me longer. I also got a chance to stare at the setting sun, i could feel it's energy rushing in through my eyes. I always feel rejeuvenated and empowered after staring at the sun for a bit. Been doing it for over a year now and still no sign of ocular degeneration (poorer eyesight).
So, nothing special here, day one is done no sweat, i just walked around for awhile. Though actually i did notice that there were alot more distractions than usual. Lots of attractive girls, tasty food and people wanting my time...I've been keeping my thoughts on God and on my own life though. It seems this will also be a test of my focus. Obviously will do everything it can to cause me to fail, so i must keep my thoughts pure and focused, i can't get caught up in the world; this is a SPIRITUAL fast, not a worldly one. But anyway, I'm going to do another salt water flush and begin to go to bed. It's about 7 o clock and the sun id goin down so i figure after 2 hours on the can i should be in bed at 9, lol.

Silence before the storm

Actually far from it, lol. I'm playing my last day of guitar hero. Today i have been eating lots of fruit like peaches and dried berries and such to get in some potassium before the salt enema tommorow morning. I'm also printing out some teachings and writings of spiritual nature so i will have much to reflect upon and read during my fast. We are the result of what we think about. A man who constantly thinks about violence will be violent, a man who constantly thinks about sex will be sexual, a man who constantly thinks about god will be godly. So in this fast i'm going to be thinking about "God" and spiritual development so that my mind may stay on this topic after the fast as well. Fasting is not only great for reflection and healing but also for programming the mind. I don't believe the mind in and of itself has consciousness. I see the mind as a transmitter of information stored in cells, something that interprets information to a form usable by the body. I believe the Spirit is what makes decisions based on the information provided and the influences present. So as a spirit I will also be attempting to program my mind to serve ME instead of by body. Through this I hope to find it easier to keep my mind on my spiritual development and not get distracted as easily.


It's Nightime, i'm noticing INCREDIBLE energy, but i'm also noticing racing thoughts, doubt and a few other undesirable mental effects. I still haven't taken pics yet, waiting for mom to buy me a camera :p. I can tell this will be much more of a mental battle than a physical one. I've already prooved that my body feels better with less food, now I need to tame the wild stallion that is my mind and harness it's power so as to direct it in cooperation with my will. My mind fears that my organs will not be powerful enough to eliminate all of the excess toxins that will be dumped in my bloodstream. Of course it would be easier if I were doing martial arts and liver flushes and such months before but i'm not doing this to be healthy, i'm doing this to control my flesh. Remembering this will be the key to winning this battle. If i get obsessed with health, fear will consume me and i will lose. My mind will constantly try to make excuses to stop me from completing this fast for it serves my body, however once i show that I (the spirit) am superior it will serve me and my body will finally be realized for what it is...nothing but a vessel, a tool to complete work in this world.
I'm waiting for Vince to get back from Temple, so we can have a fruit feast. He's going to fast with me, though for how long i'm not sure. Physically he can easily last much longer than me, but mentally i'm not sure if he has the same kind of determination and drive. Also he'll prolly recieve alot of heat from his family. I'm fortunate that my grandad (whom i'm living with right now) respects my privacy and doesn't bother me, it's a blessing that i'm in the situation i am.

Alright i had some apricots, dates and some raw honey. I'm rather full fater such a small amount of food. A good sign for me, shows that my stomach has adapted and shrunk. I don't know if my mom is coming down or not or if i'll get the chanxe to take photos. Maybe i'll use Vince's phone. Anyway This is the close of tonite. I'm gonna talk wit vince and play the last of guitar hero.

Starting of Water Fast

As of October 1st 2009 I will be embarking on a spiritual journey. I will be fasting on water alone for a minimal of 10 days, but really am shooting for 30-40. This fast is going to demonstrate my dominance as spirit, over my flesh. For too long have I played victim to the powerful influence of my bodily urges. Through this spiritual fast I will be reflecting upon many things including the 7 Deadly Sins/8 Tempting Thoughts, Happiness, Freedom/Independance, Death, Ascension, Healing, Lifestyle, etc. During this time I will be spending most of my time outside in the woods where there is plenty of sunlight, water, soil and air. I will be drinking only water bottled in glass (plastic is actually rather toxic); the brand name is "Acqua Panna", its natural spring water bottled in Tuscany, Italy. I chose this because it was the only glass bottled spring water at superfresh and was only $1.79 per 0.75 liters O.o. I will be reading much documentation and writings of monks and spiritual adepts, also I will be praying and meditating daily, focusing my thoughts on love, happiness, praise, thanks and other positive feelings.


I will be taking measurements and photos tommorow so I can take note of any and all changes that occur during this journey. My diet so far has been on and off. The past couple of weeks have been rather bad; lots of meats, sugary foods and fried foods. Today and yesterday i have been eating raw cheese as to pack in some last min. fat and aminos. Tommorow I will be eating fruit only. I am eating fruit so i can get my potassium levels up for cellular hydration and to counter the salt water flush i will be doing to start off this fast. The morning of day 1 I will be doing a salt water flush, then every day after that for the next 7 days i will be doing a daily warm water enema using heated spring water from glass bottles. The enemas should eliminate any waste accumilated in the colon and ease the toxic load so my body can handle it. Upon breaking this fast I will be following a raw lacto-vegetarian diet and pursuing yoga, martial arts and healing arts.


Naturally my daily progress will be documented in my blog. I will probably write either upon awakening or at nite before rest.