Feels like i've "been" before

I've been getting the strange feeling lately that i've existed before. Now i mean, like, i believe in reincarnation, so i'm sure my consciousness has existed before, but i feel like my personality, the essense of what defines me, has existed before. I keep getting this feeling that i once had all this power and such and ...i feels like i've lost it and i keep trying to get it back. It's definatly wierd. Also i finally begun meditating again. I don't know why i was so hesitant, it feels GREAT! :) I mean i sucks because as soon as i feel i'm in a trance my legs are cold and limp from cut off circulation, so i'ma hafta find a position i can comfortably meditate in. I always feel very peaceful after doing it, though for some reason i am at times hesitant to do it.
You know thats another funny thing i noticed. I notice that at times i'm attracted to that which i know will kill me faster...i have no idea why. For some reason self-destruction is more comfortable than self fortification...it's like my battle is to stop doing things that are harmful to me. I mean it sounds stupid, like "if you know wats good for you then just do it", but i keep having these urges to do self-destructive things (not so much anymore, this is more of a past tense of self and present tense of society). thankfully after fasting and with my new mindset, i've been getting a "taste" for healthy living, lol. Perhaps unconsciously we want our life to end so we are attracted to the things that kill us slowly? I dont know, i just thought that an interesting observation. Maybe it's all of the positive feelings that are unconsciously associated with it through the media, like smoking being associated with sexual, manly, acceptance, and coolness. What a sick fucking world.