day 6

HAHAHA i'm begining to notice how AWEFUL my timing was in starting this. to anyone reading this who is considering more than 3 days on water PLAN AHEAD! I have really been overexerting, running, extended periods of standing through a boring lecture, LOL. No but seriously stuff like this should be prepared for ahead of time, not just to prep your mind but to prep your environment and responsibilities. This should be a time of rest man, but i'm hoppin around like i'm just the same as usual. And i'll say i have noticed that that mindset, not taking anything seriously has really helped me stay onthis thing. I'm really starting to get some food cravings for like salads with nuts and vinegrets, also i really wanna try making a hoagie with soy meats, soy cheese and "veganaiise". I think i'd taste REALLY good. I'm not so much more worried about my physical state anymore, like whatever fat that maybe bothered me a bit or my skin condition. Honestly i don't look to fasting for that, i think i'd rather use something like ayurveda or TCM (Traditional Chinese Medicine) for that and other health aspects and just let fasting be for spiritual reasons and such. Don't get me wrong i'm still going to continue to day 10, but shit 30?! with the fast pace my life is starting to take idk if thats the best idea...not saying it's not possible but perhaps not so nessecary. I'm DEFINATLY feeling the peace and love and natural "child-like" state. I still admire life but still view everything as an illusion, i just can't shake that feeling, even when i'm eating. Physically not much change, lost about 3-5 lbs, stomach is flat as a board, ribs are showin...noting out of the ordinary. I'm actually getting signs of physical hunger and the coating on my tougne is going away. I'm also drinking more water. As i feel thirstier. So i don't know... mentally i'm still in the same place with more peace and happiness. OH AAAAAAND i found out which path I personally want to take spiritually. It's not 100% yet in sense of "this first, that next" but i def found out the diff things i wanted to learn and use to develop myself. Alot of it was previous interest of my, but was blinded and forgotten by my newfound interest in other techniques. By learning that i still love being around people and helping and teaching, i've realized that i probably won't end up retreating to some isolated mountain or whatev for the rest of my life, i've decided that i'll go out and learn and serve and love (the threefold path) Reach enlightenment or oneness with "God", then come back and find the best way to serve others. my idea is to have a degree in either TCM or ayurveda (or both) and use that to get to know people who are obviously dissatisfied with the way they are and help heal and teach them. Also i was thinking about getting a degree in philosophy and psychology and maybe becoming a professor...or something along those lines. I was at temple with vince today and i was sitting in on like a "eastern religions' course and it was so stupid. The teacher was a complete ditz who obviously didn't care at all about what she taught and i could tell the kids didn't take it very seriously at all either. It was so mechanical, it was dead. It was all facts and no feeling. It was all about memorizing hard-to-pronounce names and remembering historical dates rather than understanding what they meant or what the goal of people were or what thier philosophy was. Typical, and i didn't expect much out of it, but it was fun none the less to introduce the concept of some of the ACTUAL PRACTISES such as meditation, yoga, fasting, karma, reincarnation, etc just in case anyone was actually interested in what they were studying.
Anyway this ends day 6. 3 more and i'll have reached my minimal goal. I actually already feel in control of myself, so technically i've already reached it, but at the same time i gotta finish what i started. SO...the fun continues