Update

So last nite Vince and I pigged out on snacks, first time for me eating cooked food in over 2 weeks. We had bree cheese on seasame crackers white green grapes, chips and a spicy-ass salsa and sum chinese food. My observations are as follows.
The first thing i immediatly noticed was that i was able to eat more without feeling full, in fact the food wasn't satisfying AT ALL, it just felt like cardboard, dead lifeless matter. The taste wasn't that great. Then I began to notice that my awareness was dropping at an alarming rate. I t felt as if everything was slowing down, becoming hazy. It honestly felt like i had just smoked a couple blunts. It confirmed that cooked food is nothing but a drug to dull awareness of one's inherent suffering. Oddly enough i also noticed that my skin was the clearest i've ever seen it almost immediatly after finishing eating.
Now it's the morning after. Skin is still pretty clear. I woke up with a stuffy nose, I have an incredible burning pain in my stomach, i can tell i'm not digesting all this very well. I'm going to do a SWF in about an hour, then i'm going to go back to the milk diet for awhile while i research some new ways to make this raw food diet work for me. I actually have a few new thoughts which are as follows...
I've always had the "back-and-forth" between the wisdom of the orient/ancients and the results of a raw food diet. I would read more on ayurveda and TCM(Traditional Chinese Medicine) and be convinced that herbs and teas are what i need and that i should cook my food, then i'd go back to raw foods and back and forth because i viewed these two as conflicting, however now i believe they are really the same and can be used in conjunction with one another.
I'm the skinny type who has a VERY hard time gaining weight, I get cold rather easily(thus favouring warm weather), my mind has the tendancy toward racing thoughts, worry, doubt, fear, anxiety; I rarely feel grounded, etc. In Ayurveda this would be what's called "Vata dominant" (Look up 3 doshas for info). Vata by nature is dry and cold, thus use of "warming" foods is called for. The reason they say to cook your food is because when you eat "warm" foods it in turn, warms your body and makes digestion easier. Also there are spices, teas and herbs that are used to warm the system and help with digestion such as ginger, pepper(black, white, hot), cayanne, tumeric, etc. They say Milk is great for Vata, but they say raw foods should be avoided.

Okay, so here's the fusion. I used to think that because spices weren't raw or fresh that they could only be used in conjunction with cooked food. HOWEVER, i've found a way around that and i've also found a way around raw vegetables and raw fruits (even though raw fruits don't give me trouble unless they aren't ripe). FERMENTATION. Fermenting foods is purposely aging them so that bacteria is allowed to grow and predigest the food. The ancient chinese and japanese cultures were quite aware of this process and used fermented foods to aid in digestion. SO, if i use foods like cabbage, carrots, and actually pretty much ANY vegetable foods and i ferment them and keep them at room temperature (roughly 70 degrees) then they will be easily digestable and also "warmed". On top of this marvalous discovery i can also use warming herbs still, but FRESH. For example i can cut fresh ginger root into small strips, same with hot peppers, and pretty much any other herb, root or plant, i just need to buy it fresh and ferment it. Thus i'm created predigested plant foods at a warm temperature with warming herbs to maximize digestability. This also gives me alot of perparation variety. I can pretty much use ANY vegetables; i can make sauerkraut, i can buy sheets of Nori(seaweed) and make vegan sushi, make eggless keesh, etc. So through this methodology I can incorporate TCM and Ayurveda into a raw food diet that works for me. I will initially continue with milk and perhaps yogurt but will try to ween myself off it to see if i can live soley off plant food.
Also i'm going to start experimenting with grasses, wheatgrass in particular. The essene gospel itself touts wheatgrass as the best grain for mankind. In modern day it's touted as a potent blood cleanser/alkanalizer/mineralizer. I'm really starting to get excited about growing my own stuff too. I'm imagining growing and taking 1lb of wheatgrass daily along with growing cabbages and other fun vegetable that i can ferment. As for the bacteria I'll either buy capsules of pre-grown bateria or use milk/yogurt just to speed the fermentation and maximize bacterial potency.
I still believe Aajonus Vonderplanitz's theory on bateria. He put forward the idea that bacteria are helpful to your system and that they're essential to detoxification. He says that they're our "clean up crew" that they feed on dead and diseases tissue, thus helping us get rid of the old diseased cells and make new healthy ones with proper nutrition. The only thing is that i don't believe that the massive amounts of fat are really that good for me without any fiber. If it's JUST milk and i don't drink more than i can digest then it's okay, but if i'm using cream and butter like he suggests then i just clog my system up. I also don't agree with raw meat, karmically i don't believe that if i'm searching for eternal LIFE that I should be eating karmic DEATH. Also eggs...just don't seem like a "natural" food. Milk, in nature, is meant to be food. Mothers give it to thier children as thier sole source of food, thus it is a complete food. Eggs are really just a byproduct of an animals reproductive system...i mean it's full of nutrition, but it just doesn't seem to have the "Nurish" energy in it. Plant foods, especially grasses/vegetation really seem to have a "nurishing energy", and fruits seem the ideal food. So i'd like to keep my choices within this range as i'm trying to eat food to nurish and heal my body, so i want to take in nurishing and healing foods. As for nuts and seeds...i may take them in the form of sprouts but never merely as they are. I think it's better to plant seeds and let the plant grow, then perhaps eats some of it's leaves or it's fruit (whatever it can regenerate), but I will still take sprouts if i feel it's necessary.

Huh...

Upon considering a vegan diet, cutting out milk and eggs, except perhaps a week or two of liver flushing, I've realized that i DO have cravings. I don't know what i'm craving but i've been craving something that dairy or eggs don't provide. Images of foods come to mind but when i think of how they taste and feel in my stomach i realize they are false. I don't know what my body is missing.
Another problem i've run into is prices. Living on dairy is extremely affordable, veganism may work thanks to frozen and canned foods, but raw veganism would be tough...unless sprouts were sufficient...hmmm. Yeah if I use plenty of sprouts and limit the greens and fruits then finnancially I should be fine, just gotta find a cheap bulk-supplier and clean water like i said in my last post.
I wonder if i should progress through cooked vegan to raw vegan first as to adapt my body. I wonder because last time i tried veggies they tasted aweful, but i remember back when i was first a raw vegan i started cooked vegan for awhile then progressed to raw, then went fruitarain but failed due to massive carb cravings(pasta, oatmeal, etc). Last time i ate green/fruit juices they didn't really digest, i just shat them out. I wonder if my body would have to re-adapt to be able to digest plant foods again...At the same time though this could just be an excuse for my mind to go back to the pleasure of cooked foods...I do feel rather separate from nature, when i consume raw plant foods, especially greens i almost feel like i'm bringing life back into my body. Though i would like to experiment with the "milk cure" too, part of the protocol is not to work.
On that note i've noticed that when at work my skin begins to act up. I wonder if it's stress induced. An old workmate from the bank began to show similar symptoms as me when he was going through a particularly stressful time in his life, ...idk. I have to get away from my job and find something that i can do that's less stressful and is something honest and sumthing i can agree with ethically.
Lastly I finally cried for the first time in roughly a year(though only for about 1min), which was very refreshing. I was looking at a picture of nature and envisioned myself out away from society with someone i loved (cliche i know). I felt uncomfortable, lost, lonely, and i just cried. While doing so i did feel a nice release, kinda like a tingling feeling in my chest that shot out through my upper body causing me to spasm slightly. Sa real shame i can't bring that to reality just yet, it really seemed like heaven, but i can't get there like i am now, the only way to get there is to better myself. Regardless the feeling was nice. my heart feels lighter, perhaps i'll sleep really well tonight.

Gotta change

Alright so i'm done with this. i've been getting some strange symptoms from all this dairy intake and the lack of fiber is apparent. the bananas work for fiber but when mixed with the cream i can't digest it, when there's no cream it tastes AWEFUL. The pain in the joints is apparent, I've been getting headaches lately, i feel..."heavy", and slightly sedated. I had an experience one night where i got up after a nap and i couldn't walk without getting short of breath and dizzy and my chest hurt. This is NOT sum "detox" my body is rejecting something or is getting addicted to something. After drinking about 5 glasses or warmed milk i felt better. It could have been a "withdrawl" from the opiods in dairy. I'm thinking of going back to trying sprouts. I just need a distilling mechanism for water. However I've noticed i have nearly no creaving for anything. there's a mental desire for spring rolls, but there's no physical desire. It could be that the opioids are giving me a 'fix" of "feel goods" or it could be that i just haven't had cooked food in a few weeks...idk.
Mentally my hunger for power has grown. My willpower has nearly double, my self hatred (directed at my percievable weaknesses/flaws) is acting up again, and my concern on what people think is nearly non-existant. I'm considering going out into the woods for awhile (i need a tent and sum other tools) and doing sum "training". Because of this I no longer care about diet as much as I used to. I know see that diet is merely support, auxillery to actually exercises. I no longer care about curing my skin or getting blue eyes or anything like that, all I care about is training my body/mind/spirit connection and transcending my limits. I no longer care about romantic love, money, food, games, or anything like that, all i want now is power. Once power is attained i can allow myself to enjoy other things, but in my current state i run the risk of addiction to and abuse of pleasure at the risk of my own health. Mortality must be overcome, physical and mental strength must be attained. i have to break my limits and transcend my humanity.
So again, diet-wise i'm thinking of maybe keeping sum yogurt for maybe once a week, but i'm going to buy bulk sprouting food such as beans, grains and seeds. I will begin by slowly reintroducing the chia which i will eat whole rather than ground up so it doesn't hurt my intestinal tract. I will most likely start with black beans and maybe kidney beans as they're easy to sprout. i may add barley or buckwheat, idk yet. more later...

Update

So I was using lots of egg yolks (12 a day) mixed in mix. I had trouble digesting it, but i persisted. Eventually i learned that the limes/lemons were important to the liver cleanse so i decided to do a Salt Water Flush to clear out and prepare for the liver flush. To my dismay I found that barely anything came out...not even the water. It seems to have been absorbed by something in my bowl. Upon doing it again later i expelled a tan-colored "goo", that i can't wuite explain. It could be the cholesterol that was expelled. The lime juice is known to create the stones of the liver flush so it could be that THAT is how the cholesterol is made solid and expellable. Anyway, I visited a dairy farm picking up 4 quarts of raw heavy cream, 3 quarts of raw yogurt, 2lbs of raw unsalted butter, 5lbs of raw unsalted cheese and 2 gallons of raw milk.
Now i'm eating 4-5 bananas a day mixed with cream. This will provide me the gentle fruit fiber to keep my bowls solid and moving and the cream will provide a healthy raw fat to make sure the fruit sugar doesn't give me any ill effects. I'm also using yogurt in the morning to boost digestion as a probiotic. I'm not quite sure how i can make use of the honey, cheese and butter just yet. The unsalted cheese is actually really bad tasting in my opinion.
I've noticed that my skin has imroved greatly since starting my latest regime with the bananas and cream. I still want to use the egg yolks, but i won't mix it with milk. It seems that whole raw milk must be taken on an empty stomach and by itself for proper digestion. The cream and butter however I can mix with other foods without ill effect. I'm going to try taking straight egg yolks before bed and see how i do.

Change of plan

Alright so i've been keeping the diet pretty well (about 5 days straight), but i'm experiencing craving for something again. I'm not sure what exactly it is. I've been craving spring rolls, or chinese food in general which leads me to believe that i need more fat (due to chinese food being mostly fried in oil). If I keep drinking milk i'm fine, but i've been needing more and more lately(i get especially satisfied by the cream on the top of the milk), so i think thats my body telling me MORE RAW FATS PLEASE! ,lol. It could also be that the milk has too much calcium or lactose. I got some strange pain in my knees walking home today (too much calcium?) and the too much milk sugar is just a theory. The whole point of this diet was to make it mostly fat (chia seed and milk) but it seems i may need a higher percentage. I usually buy raw milk by a 2 quart bottle and i usually buy 4 of them at a time at 4.50 a bottle and usually get a carton of eggs with it. So my ratio has been 1 carton of eggs per 4 bottles of milk (2 quarts of milk, 3 eggs a day) so know i'm thinking of switching the ratio up and eating more eggs and less milk, basically only using milk as a hydrator. So i'm thinking of eating 4 cartons and 1 bottle (12 eggs, 2cup of milk a day) or maybe 3 cartons, 2 bottles (9 eggs, 4 cups of milk a day), the latter sounds more reasonable i suppose. As much as i was originally opposed to egg yolks i've noticed my skin get MUCH smoother. I've also been breathing differently, breathing into my lower abdomin, expanding my lower lungs more. Hopefully this switch around will soothe the cravings. I don't like drinking more milk than i have put aside as this cuts into finnances, but i'd rather do that than resort to junk like chinese or microwave dinners. the only way to get results out of any path is to stick with it, not bitch out everytime a bump appears. Also i'm giving up chia. I tried it again due to cravings, thinking it would satisfy the itch but all it did was put a lump in my belly, lol. it's simply not digestable. I may resort to it for pure fiber but the digestive stress doesn't seem worth it. I have psyllium powder that i'll use instead if i get too messed up, but once my body adjusts to low fiber it eventually has no problem.
to sum it up

Latest deveopment
-Increase Egg yolk intake, decrease milk intake.
-Cutting out chia, replacing with psyllium powder if fiber needed.
-skin smoother with egg yolk inclusion

egg yolks only have about 9-10g of fat, since i was only adding 3 eggs a day thats only another 30g on top of the 70+g from the milk. This leads me to believe that i should not only increase my fat intake but lower my sugar (lactose) intake. I don't think i have an allergy to it, but who knows, i may end up cutting it out all together. If i choose 12 eggs a days thats about 120g of fat and minimal sugar from milk. I may go to water and cut sugar entirely living soley off eggs.

IMPORTANT UPDATE

It is the morning of the 14th day (2nd or 3rd consecutive with the diet) I am now officially cutting out the chia. I awoke this morning and pulled my 2 liter raw milk out of the fridge to warm up a bit. While waiting I had a bowl movement. It was rather large and felt like many rocks. After excretion there was traces of blood on the BM. This has proven something I once read. Grains and seeds...thier fiber is actually harmful and damaging to the intestine. Fruit and vegetable fibers (including beans) are fine but uncooked grains and seeds (maybe nuts too, not sure) are certainly harmful and the raw ground up chia has caused me to bleed internally, thankfully I don't think it did any REAL damage as if it did i'd prolly be in pain. I am discontining the chia and will likely avoid uncooked grain and seed (and nuts perhaps) by themselves. Surely if the helpful fruit/fiber were mixed or if there were cookd/processed grains it would have helped. The real issue seems to be taking the uncooked, ground up seeds by themself. So my diet will go back to Raw milk and I will begin to use eggs with honey at night. This probably won't start however until Saturday night as I need to purchase the eggs and would like to wait until i run out of milk and just buy in bulk. I'm also looking for trustworthy and affordable sources of organic RIPE and local fruit. Alot of fruit in supermarkets and wholefoods are packed unripe and shipped then left to ripen in the store to extend shelflife. Fruit contains the most nutrition when it is sun ripened and still connected to it's mother tree/vine/plant. If i can find affordable sources it will provide me with the fiber i'll need and i may even get to experiement with fruitarianism again :)

Dietary experiement day 13(?)

SO i've been on and off the "wagon" here so it's not 13 consecutive days. I've added a daily 4-8 tbls of chia seed into my diet and have recently held off on the eggs, but plan to reintroduce them. When falling back to old dietary habbits i would always use a salt water flush to signify going back to this diet. Oddly enough i noticed the brown in my eyes disappearing the most after these flushes. Because of this I'm beggining to believe that the sumething not only wrong with my digestion but also my colon health, thus the reason for the chia. With the high fiber content bowl movements are more frequent, hopefully aiding the colon health more long term. On this diet I notice more stregnth but more importantly i'm MUCH more calm and less prone to worry or anxiety. I'm also doing personal research on the liver and how it detoxifies to find a way to help it detoxify faster and more efficiently, which i believe the eggs are related with. As an update my digestion is indeed getting stronger. I'm now digesting food faster and feeling more satisfied (hopefully due to better nutrient absorbtion. The chia seed is ground up and mixed with water to form a "porridge" to which i add about a tbls of raw honey to (to aid digestion). SO no real difference besides and increase in stregth and endurance and more mental calmness.